Truth?.com

Truth.com: a conundrum of a paradox of lies and truth revealed and hidden.

I am sure everyone has seen a truth.com commercial. They are annying (except the one with the cowboy singing the song, that one rocked) pointless, and overall irrelevant. First the fact that the corporation exists is a bewilderment of American culture. A company funded by the very company they are trying to put out of business. I will say it isn’t by choice so much as government control and class action lawsuits. Why keep tobacco legal and then make it illegal to smoke it anywhere including privately owned property? Tax money is the main reason, and the fact that most of our representatives are probably using it. Here’s an idea truth.com, attack tobacco companies on a medium in which they can respond to the “truth.” In case you aren’t aware, tobacco companies are banned from advertising on public TV and regular cable. Leaving that, I’ll move on to my point.

Being a true red-blooded flag-waving patriotic American I desire one thing: money handed to me from a multimillion dollar company based on little or no real reason other than my lawyer convinced 12 imbeciles that they too could get uber cash from a similar type company. In that mindset I have devised a plan to make the American dream come true for yours truly.

There is a particular set of truth.com commercials that I will be referencing. They involve hidden camera interviews. I will give a brief bit of dialogue from one of these commercials:

Truth.com interviewer: “What would you say to 400,000 a year;”

Hard-working qualified corporate interviewee: (surprised) “That’d, that’d be great.”

Truth.com interviewer: “Sorry, I paused at the wrong moment, what I meant was what would you say to 400,000 a year dying from using your company’s product.”

Still unsure where I’m headed with this? No wonder you’re all reading this and not sipping martinis in Morocco. My plan is to gather all the interviewees together in a class action lawsuit against Truth.com. It might sound difficult to get money out of said corporation, but remember, all my lawyer and I have to do is remind the jury that Truth.com is part of big tobacco and they will have no problem making them pay. The reason they will make them pay is very simple. In this economy that evil warmongering Bush left our savior and father of all things holy President Obama it is tough to find decent corporate jobs that pay well. (Editors note: Unless you’re in the banking industry, or auto industry then you just get billions from the government and take spa breaks to relieve all the stress of almost having to find a new job because you screwed people over.) So when these people take time out of their schedule to come to this interview they are hoping for a chance at a decent job. A job that will save their failing marriage, keep their house and car from being repossessed, keep their kids in school and off the streets, and keep food on their plates. Instead, they are suckered into this time waster run by a bitter company bent up spreading “truths” about tobacco that no one knows. They deserve proper compensation for time lost and mental duress. This “interview” will scar them, and hurt them in upcoming interviews, never really knowing if it’s real or not. It’ll make them paranoid and unprepared, uncertain in themselves. Finding a job of the caliber they are used to and deserve will be come near impossible, and will take a severe toll on their self-esteem. It will lead to drinking. Drinking will lead to smoking, and smoking will lead to either a payout from big tobacco later, or death. (Editors note: If Truth.com is to be believed, the answer would be both.) I become rich since it is my plan to protect the innocent and orchestrated the whole thing I’ll get a 10% cut of a 376 million dollar settlement.

There is also one other thing that upsets me about these ads. They’ve led us to believe for years that big tobacco has lied to us again and again, and that they are exposing the truth. They’ve given us outrageous stories on a Ripley’s Believe It or Not scale and told us to believe it, because they are truth. Now they are advertising that they are in fact lying without remorse to the aforementioned people. They’re whole ad campaign is based off of how they are LYING.

Truth.com, owned by big tobacco which we’ve been told for years is an organization of lies, thus (through the transitive property) a=c, truth.com is an organization of lies, but they’re owned by liars so might have been lying about big tobacco lying which would make them believable when they were lying, but if they’re telling the truth then how can their same company be liars.

Truth.com is lying to people and telling us: “Believe us. C’mon, we’re truth dot f’ing com.”

Posted via email from Super Attema Bros.