Completing the puzzle

Since the government's taken a sudden interest in business (and being open about it), can we pass a couple of useful laws? They're a bit specific, but I think we'll all be better off.

If a company releases a season of a TV show, then they should be required to follow through to the end of the series. I've got half a set of the Bob Newhart Show just sitting there waiting for the other half of the show. Same goes for Green Acres. And who decided to release the first and seventh seasons of The Amazing Race? Why bother?

To go along with that, I want consistency. If you start with thin-paks, then that's what you get until the show's over. Why is the 7th volume of Family Guy different than the rest? After waiting years for the next season of the Mary Tyler Moore Show, not only is it stripped of all extras, but in a different case than all the others. What's to gain from it? I'll allow the exception of changes only if they're made retro-active in the case of packaging and the company allows a trade-in program. I would love to send in my fat Smallville cases for the newer smaller ones, but I'm not coughing up $40 apiece just to save an inch or two on my shelves.

And re-releases need a minimum of 5 years between and new features should be limited to a separate disc or two, available for purchase individually. And newer versions should also contain ALL of the old special features plus whatever they've added. I have two copies of Daredevil because the director's cut, while a better film, is missing a lot of the special features found on the original release. This explains why I have 8 discs for 3 Spider-Man movies.

I know they're in the business to make money, but they've done nothing to sell themselves. I've quit buying TV shows until the whole set is released, I'm tired of being hung up to dry. People will purchase your TV shows when they know they can actually complete the collection. Sadly, that'll take a lot of convincing now.

Nice one

I get a little newsletter every day at DIA with little snippets of airport and airline news. And while it does have some useful information, it seems that AOL has one interesting story which doesn't make the newsletter. This is one story that keeps going much longer than I expected.

So this singer/songwriter gets on a flight with a guitar. When he gets to his destination, he has 2 half guitars. Technically, this is still the guitar he began with, but sometimes the sum of the parts is less than the whole. So what'd he do? He went with the obvious and wrote a song called "United Breaks Guitars." I'm guessing he borrowed someone else's instrument for this.

A year or so later he has to resort to the unthinkable. Hoping the United makes good on its promises of improved customer services, he flew from Nova Scotia to DIA. Actually, everything got here unbroken. Unfortunately, not at the same time. United told him to wait for his luggage. DIA told him to quit waiting and leave. Looks like pessimism was the way to go here, his suitcase eventually showed up a day or two later.

Anyone else amused that one guy keeps getting shafted and that's the same guy who's attained cult status from getting shafted? Now nobody may recognize him and he probably doesn't announce who he is, but when someone's famous for telling people how lousy your company is, wouldn't you keep a lookout? Especially if he has to give his name? So I guess it's good news that United treats everyone equally, celebrity status carries no weight there. Unfortunately, they're all treated equally poorly.

Since it's getting near

I'm ready

Is anyone else pumped for the new Mario Bros. game? Galaxy was a great game, but I still have a soft spot for the old 2d style. I'm just hoping this one isn't too easy. The new 2d game for the DS was a lot of fun, but it was almost impossible to die. Powerups all ove the place and if you didn't have 99 lives, you weren't trying. None of the old games had a lot of cheap shots or anything, but enough that you had to pay attention to what you were doing.

But it does look slick and the very idea of four players at once is enough to get me interested. But with the friends I have, I hope it's more competitive than cooperative. Bad things tend to happen with friendly fire and things like that.

Can't be a coincidence being released that close to Black Friday, but it will make shopping easier for anyone who knows a Wii player. Wiiist? Wiiner? Is there a club I'm missing out on? Need a better group name.

Already!?

Just making sure you all knew the new Trans-Siberian Orchestra album is released Tuesday. Best Buy's Sunday ad and website both list if for just $8 for the double album. Amazon has it even cheaper if you just want to download the MP3s.

I'll be picking it up, but I'm not getting my hopes too high. After all, the longer I waited for this, the more likely I was to be let down. And I'll be honest, Beethoven's Last Night, their last non-Christmas CD, had some good stuff, but it really only worked if you read the book to get the story and listened to the whole thing in a row. A lot of the tunes in that one just don't work in shuffle. Still, I've taken to listening to whole albums at work now, so I should be in a great position for this one. Besides, the stuff I have heard from it is pretty awesome.

Get familiar with it, I'm sure you'll hear a lot of it at the concert next week.

Is it just me, or is this a terrible idea?

Yeah, I'm going to spend a few minutes here talking about musicals. I've seen Phantom of the Opera a few times now, and I'll tell you I enjoy it. The story's excellent, the humor is sparse but perfect and the music will never leave your head. Now how can we tarnish this legacy?

You can always make a movie, but they already did that. The good news is that it didn't bother anybody. Bad news is, it didn't help anyone. Really, it wasn't bad enough to do lasting damage to Webber's reputation.

So in the great tradition of Caddyshack, Webber's giving us a sequel that nobody asked for and the bits he has mentioned ensure that fans of Phantom will leave the auditorium embarrassed for having expected anything worth seeing. Even the title, Love Never Dies, bears no connection to the original show. Probably at the request of the original investors' attorneys.

Here's the short story of the original. Girl loves boy. Monster loves girl. Monster steals girl, then loses her. Angry mob chases monster. It's a story as old as time, but done with such passion that every person who sees it sympathizes with the Phantom and is hoping he gets his happy ending (not like a massage parlor type).

Now it's 10 years later. And the Phantom is either in charge of the music hall or a freak (depending on which article you read) but that isn't important. The show is set in Coney Island. And just like all sitcoms, suddenly the whole cast has left France and is in Brooklyn now. That should be enough to convince anyone that ALW's out of ideas, when you're looking to Laverne & Shirley for inspiration.

Now if this thing turns out to be anything but crap, I'll sit here and tell you I was wrong. In fact, I'd love to tell you I'm wrong and that this thing is a tribute and a necessary piece to what will surely be a Phantom trilogy. But something tells me I'll never have to type that post. It could be that Broadway sequels have never succeeded. And sequels slapped on the end of the success years and years after the original typically feel desperate and are hated and then ignored by fans. Wouldn't be surprised to see it happen here too.

Read the credits

I'm thinking I may have to go see The Box. From the commercials, some guy missing a chunk of his face gives Cameron Diaz a box. She pushes the button and some random person dies while she gets rich. I guess if she doesn't, he doesn't and she doesn't.

While I'm sure there's more to the plot (at least I hope there's more), I'm much more interested in the writer, Richard Matheson.

It's a name you should recognize and if you don't, you have to know some of his work. He wrote the stories they based I Am Legend, Legend of Hell House and What Dreams May Come on. Yeah that's an awkward sentence. Suck it up. He also wrote Duel (think Joyride with less talking and more tension) and all three stories from Trilogy of Terror.

But I first payed attention to him, and so did most of the country, when he wrote for the Twilight Zone. Nightmare at 20,000 Feet ("There's a man on the wing of the plane!"), that's him. He wrote The Invaders, where a country woman is attacked by six inch tall aliens. Matheson's responsible for Little Girl Lost about a girl who falls into the 4th dimension, a clear forerunner to Poltergeist. Remember Night Call, where an old lady keeps getting phone calls from her dead husband? Yup, that's his too. The only person who wrote more TZ eps was Rod himself.

I'm not saying everything he does is gold. I remember reading one story about a guy who had a curse or something on him and a voodoo priestess has sex with him to clear him of it. Lame idea and sad execution. Not enough voodoo for science fiction and not dirty enough for the sex to be important. Just a bad idea all around there. But most of his stories are at least interesting enough to make you finish them in one sitting and I like having a little twist at the end of them. Obviously he does too.

When Hollywood cashes in on something like this, I win. I managed to score the basis for The Box and a lot more other short stories of his in Wal-Mart. Put a picture of the movie poster and the cover and wait for the saps. Doesn't bother me.

The point? I guess I'm telling you to pay attention to the writer whenever you're watching a movie or TV show. How many of you know which actors in the Office are also regular writers of episodes? Did you know that the same person who wrote When Harry Met Sally is also to blame for Bewitched? Follow those odd connections when you get a chance. You never know where you'll end up.

McCancer?

So here's the skinny. When you grill meat or fish, a tiny, tiny amount of PhIP is created. PhIP might cause cancer in humans. We're not totally sure yet and the amount of food eaten would have to be HUGE to get enough to do anything.

What can someone do with this knowledge? Do what any rational person would do. Sue McDonald's.

That's right. Take something than man has been doing since he tired of chewing soggy muscle, combine it with a natural and scientific and blame whoever has the most money. Now I know what you're thinking, Sure McD's has all the money, but they only have a few grilled things and they're awful. What about the BK Lounge? Well they're included too. So blame the money and take a little bit from the guys who are bragging about the grilling.

I'd just like to point out that this is really happening and this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. First off, there's no solid evidence PhIP causes cancer in humans, but that's with a lot of things. I'm starting to wonder if mice and rats aren't cancer prone. Second, it's a natural occurrence! It's not the result of genetically modified chicken or flavor additives or anything. It's the same results we've had since we first set meat down a little too close to the fire. This is like blaming them for the Maillard Reaction that happens whenever anything's cooked.

And third, the biggest crime in my opinion, who is going to McDonald's and ordering the grilled chicken? Have you ever had the misfortune to taste that crap? Aside from being bland, it's dry and stringy and maybe a little healthier, but not worth the sacrifice. Just makes me sad that these people made a bad decision to eat fast food and an even worse decision to eat rubbery chicken with minute amounts of potentially harmful naturally occuring chemicals. I'm rooting for Ronald in this one.

Any questions?

Get a Bic

Now that I've spent the last month or two in an office environment, there's one thing I've noticed that puzzles me. Who are these people who come to meetings or training sessions with absolutely nothing? You're not coming to see a Broadway musical and these aren't spur of the moment occurances. You go to these things to communicate what's going on with your side of the work and learn what the other side is doing.

Clearly, no need to bring anything with you.

Maybe it's because I'm still fairly fresh out of school, but I tend to show up with at least a pen. If nothing else, there's typically a sign up sheet to prove you were actually there. And sometimes I even use it to write things down that I might refer to later. Who is surviving this long in basically any business without a writing tool of some sort? Even better, the odds of people not having a pen seem to get better as the amount of Post It's on their desk increases. Hmmm...

But I do enjoy the smug satisfaction I get when some distinguised silver haired man has to lean over and politely ask to borrow my Family Guy pen.

How many can you eat?

I don't know if this is a local thing or word of mouth advertising or what, but on days football is on TV, McDonald's is selling a pack of 50 nuggets for $10.

This is huge. What's a normal 20 piece run, $9? So for a little more than the cost of a large value meal, you can buy more nuggets than any one person should have at one time. Naturally, I had to order a set on Sunday.

I'm still eating them. McNuggets are my guiltiest pleasure and now I can finally indulge myself. Just the smell brings me back to eating at the South Sioux McD's with my great grandparents. My great grandma could never remember what kind of soda she liked and it was that same restaurant where my great grandpa taught me how to wiggle one ear at a time.

So in a way, they're comfort food to me.

Well they were. I'm still eating the damn things three days later and I've made any bathroom my second home. On the bright side, I'm getting a lot of reading in...

I have to get this off my chest. I'm sick of this Balloon Boy crap. It's pretty clear the father isn't stable and has managed to drag his kids into his delusions of fame, whether they want it or not. I just hope the law throws everything they've got at this family. The time and resources wasted on publicity for a family with nothing to publicize is insane. Give them jail time, fine them for the next 30 years and make sure they're not on my TV again.

And if you are planning something of this magnitude. Don't leave a paper trail and don't keep evidence around that contradicts your story. It'd also help if your accomplices are either too young to talk or at least old enough to keep the story straight. Not sure what makes me more angry, the fact that we wasted so much energy on a pack of purposeless lies or that it was so ineptly executed.

I told you I was freaky

Just wanted to make sure everyone knew that the new Flight of the Conchords album comes out this Tuesday. So while you're in line to get your copy of Transformers 2 (get it at Target, the DVD case "transforms" into Bumblebee), grab this CD too.

I've been looking forward to this for a long time, especially since the last season of the TV show came out months ago. Why wouldn't you put these out at the same time? Save a little on advertising and push a few extra units with all of those stores offering $5 off the pair or something. But noooooooooo.

The only downside to it, that I can see, is they're all songs from the second season and, in my opinion, a little weaker. Sure there are some catchy tunes like Too Many Dicks on the Dancefloor (which is about exactly what you'd think) and Friends, but a lot of them are episode and situation specific. Inner City Pressure works great in your iPod lineup. We're Both in Love With a Sexy Lady doesn't quite have the legs to stand.

But there are a lot of good things. Sugalumps is almost a response to Baby Got Back (did you listen to the Coulton cover yet?) and Friends is really catchy and Jim Gaffigan sings along in that one.

I should at least mention they cover quite a bit of styles in this one. Drifting away from the folk roots, there's some reggae, dance and others. Nothing offensive to the ear, but quite a ways away from the previous album. Check out some samples on Amazon. They're probably offering a bundle deal too...

Progress

As some of you know, I'm not one of the green people. I'm not convinced recycling is any better for the environment and I'm not paying extra money for things which are less harmful to the planet. Let's face it, "green" has already jumped the shark and I'm just waiting for one company to realize it.

But I've been convinced by one green product, the new pizza box. Have you seen this yet? It's made from recycled paper and the lid tears apart to form plates and the bottom folds up into a smaller container for leftovers.

I can't believe it took us this long to think of it! I remember gathering with a few friends and eating pizza of the lid, but I never thought of making plates out of it. And the fact it's recyled and recyclable just adds to the value. AND any extra cost will either be swallowed by the company or bump up the price of pizza by a few pennies. So no extra effort and I'm doing something to help a little, which is cool. Just another thing on the long list of things I'd wish I'd thought of.

It only sounds like a commercial

Well it's about time to be burning your Halloween party CD and I thought I'd help you out a little bit. After all, how many times do you need to hear the Monster Mash in one night? (Answer: 3) And when I say, "a little bit" I mean I have one more song to offer. '

The singer is Jonathan Coulton and his song is called "Re Your Brains." I first saw him at the RiffTrax live event I went to a couple months ago and it's one of the songs he sang. You can find the song at http://www.jonathancoulton.com/store/downloads/. Scroll down to Thing a Week Two. Best part is, you can listen to the whole song on the site, in case you don't feel like passing out your credit card information for a buck.

I got a bunch of his stuff with my Zune Pass and I'm loving it. I listened to his Best. Concert. Ever. live album and my first thought when it was over, was to start it again. Been a long time since I wanted to listen to any album twice in a row. And while the live album isn't listed on his site, for some reason, a lot of the songs from it are there for your sampling pleasure. Allow me to recommend a few personal favorites. Just be warned, while the music is normally good and catchy, it's really a disguise for a bunch of nerdy inside jokes. And sometimes bad words.

• Code Monkey - Yeah, from the TV show. It's about being a computer programmer in love. My first exposure to him before I knew who he was.
• Talk with George - Reminds me of Steve Martin's song about his grandmother's advice. Fairly serious, but not bad advice really. AND it's a free download. A musician giving his art away. Didn't think they actually existed.
• Re Your Brains - The whole point of this blog. Nice little zombie sing-a-long mixed in with Office Space type references.
• Baby Got Back - One of his few cover songs. As an acoustic ballad, just like you'd expect.
• When I'm 25 or 64 - Just a mash up, but well done. And since neither songs are his, it's another freebie!
• The Future Soon - Another song he sang at the live event. It's hard to squeeze in ANY reference about the robot uprising in a love song. Even harder making it a turning point in the song.
• Kenisaw Mountain Landis - A folk song. A good song. A free song.
• First of May - Enjoy the beauty of nature. NSFW.

Now go grab the live CD. It has all of these on it plus more!

Laser Flakes

Has anyone heard about the new cornflakes yet? Evidently, Kellogg’s has decided to burn their logo onto the flakes and put a random amount in the box. The best part of this, for me, is the reasoning behind it.

It’s not to make the cereal modern and cool. Lord knows they could use that bit of a boost in a world full of ten flavors and sizes of Rice Krispies and marshmallows of all sorts of colors and shapes. The only cereal actually affected by a laser and the message? They’re real Kellogg’s Corn Flakes.

I didn’t know there was a counterfeiting issue. After all, when I want the real stuff, I get the one with a rooster and an extra $1.50 on the price tag. When I grab a homeless bag of Corn Shavings from the end of the aisle, I’ve accepted that they’re from a different company. Is anyone convinced that Kellogg’s is really making the generic brands too? What’s the point of that? And who’s in such a hurry that he grabs the first bag of golden flakes and doesn’t spare the second it takes to read the brand?

While it’s a cool idea, and a great idea to reinforce a brand name, it’s for all the wrong reasons. Seems like an awful lot of money spent on designing and equipment to help distinguish themselves from competitors inferior in every way. And when the generics start doing this, those people who don’t pay attention are really going to be in trouble.

Winging it

Here's a little something for you to think about. Did you know there's no such thing as boneless chicken wings? When you stop to think about it for a minute, it makes sense, but few of us use that minute to actually consider the food. I know I typically use that minute deciding how hot I want the sauce/how many Tums I have left. They're really just chunks of chicken breast prepared like wings.

Here's something else to think about. Boneless wings are almost always more expensive. On the practical side, the same weight of each will yield more meat from the boneless variety. And on the imaginary side, the restaurant wants you to think they're labor intensive. As though there's a kitchen full of illegals carefully sliding bones out of chicken and tucking them carefully into little nuggets.

Last thing to consider. Just recently the price of chicken breast actually went below chicken wings. If this holds, it'll be in a restaurant's best interest to lower the price of boneless wings or, at the very least, make them the same price. Unfortunately, that puts us in the know in quite a quandry. Do you get the boneless wings for the convenience and higher yield and just pretend they're really wings? Or do you get the real thing complete with the messy hands, piles of bones and not all that much meat in the name of authenticity? Or do you not care so long as the beer's cheap? Yeah, probably that one.

Yes, we are helpless

First, I want to point you all to this article. Now let me make a few points.

How far down did you read? The first time I read this I only got to the second or third paragraph. I couldn't believe I hadn't heard about this new law, banning the opening of new fast food restaurants, but allowing the current ones to remain unaffected.

My favorite part is, as you may expect, the numbers. Southern LAers are more obese than ones in west LA. BUT, the west side has more fast food restaurants than the south. But facts never got in the way of lawmakers on either side, so that's irrelevant. What matters is someone didn't like seeing all of the McDonald's around town and figured that's a fight they could probably win.

Have we as Americans lost our freedom to just live? Sure you can smoke, but you'll have to pay through the nose for them and good luck finding a place that lets you smoke. Some are happy to go through life morbidly obese, giving into every carnal urge they have. Let's try to cut that. And now, in an unhealthy economy, Big Brother has told us we can't open a fast food restaurant there because they don't want it. Hopefully, that wasn't part of your American Dream.

Here's the thing, people make choices every day and when you force one choice out, they're going to go to the next closest thing. Someone wanting quick food and gets denied a Big Mac will end up at the grocery store stocking up on TV dinners and frozen pizza. Let's face it, there are healthier choices at any fast food place.

You can't force people to make the right decisions. You either have to take away all choices leaving on the "right" one (and who's to judge that?) or make them want to make the right choice. Stripping away free will is, sadly, faster and easier. But encouraging and enlightening is much more effective and humanizing. Spread the word about how bad something is and people will start to at least lessen their intake of it and, thanks to corporate greed, companies will either replace the evil item with something less evil or offer an alternative. Either way, they still get your money and you have the freedom to make the choice. Do we really have to wait for a government issued menu before we realize it's time to do something?

Too scared to sleep

If you're one of those people who use this time of the year as an excuse to watch scary movies, you're in luck. Go see Paranormal Activity. Right now. I'll wait.

Still need more info? Alright. Think of Blair Witch meets Amityville Horror. A man, who reminds me a lot of Ben Stiller, buys a video camera because his girlfriend has been haunted her whole life and now, since they moved in together, he's haunted as well. It starts off a little slow, but builds nightly.

Where's the brilliant part? It's everywhere. For starters, the scary stuff starts out as just weird stuff. The camera hears a noise in the night. The next morning her keys are moved. Nobody's going to run screaming out of the theater, but it is a little unsettling. And the documentary feel is amazing. There's never any distracting music or really anything to make it feel like a film. There aren't any credits at the end either! Nothing even implies that this might be entirely made up.

What amazes me most is that all of the scary parts are labeled for you. Night #3. 2:42 AM. And something creepy happens. More daytime stuff and then Night #5. 4:33 AM. And something somewhat creepier happens. You know it's coming, but you're still scared. I'm not sure if it's because you're waiting for something huge and Hollywood and instead get something eerie but much more subtle, or if it's just the realistic feel the whole thing has.

Just a couple of minor issues. They make a point of setting the alarm every night, but NOTHING sets them off. The house is coming apart at the seams, but the system doesn't seem to think anything's wrong. And the ending, without giving anything away, doesn't fit. That's all I can say, but once you've seen it, you'll understand. I get it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. And the biggest plothole of all: When your girlfriend tells you about being haunted all of her life, give that girl her walking papers. Don't try to score video evidence of it.

It's all part of my amazing race fantasy....league

Just a reminder to change your Amazing Race picks if you haven't already done so. Last week the Globetrotters rocked for me, but the pretty couple was worthless. Hoping to switch that up with the gay bros. Again, if you haven't signed up, it's cbs.com and a few clicks will get you there. It really is quick and my group has 125 points. If that's still too complicated, ask for an invite and I'll shoot one out to you. Happy racing!

Bad feeling

Just wanted to say, that while I'm pretty happy with my Axe body wash, the Shock scent is really not good. I'm pretty sure it came as part of a set and while I like the smell, the actual sensation is gives me is pretty undesirable. See, it's supposed to be this awakening odor and while it's true it also tingles. A lot. And everywhere.

So you can imagine the thrill I get when I go out first thing in the morning and it's twenty degrees and shrinkage sets in. Now combine that with a cold tingling that just won't quit. I may be clean, but I'm reeeeeally uncomfortable.

That said, I'm looking forward to next week when I finally use up all of that crud. I could just flush it all or something, but I like to think the longer I suffer through this the better my new smell will be. And feel.

Office Musings

Just watched the office tonight and thought I'd share a few thoughts. Be careful, possible SPOILERS.

• The puking was a little gross for me, but I did love Creed's nonreaction.
• Wasn't Stanley's wife white? I thought we saw her at the Dundees.
• For all the build up, did we ever see Andy cry?
• Speaking of Andy, that girl who plays Erin is really cute.
• While the results were pretty funny, I was really looking forward to another Andy/Kelly dance off.
• I think Jim's brothers explain his high tolerance for Michael's shenanigans.
• Was anyone not expecting the dancing?
• Michael's new gf wasn't a shock, but should make for a great storyline.

To be honest, my hopes were pretty low for this one. While I've enjoyed them all, this season has just felt desperate. Promote Michael, Promote Jim, Pam's preggers, the wedding. It was like they took all of their major ideas and started slipping them all in one season. And we all remember the previous hour long eps and how unbalanced those felt, so I was very happy to see it was just one long ep that kept getting better and better. Still not sure how the dynamics back in the workplace will go, but my faith has been restored.

Next Week: Aggressive Driving

I took a defensive driving class for work the other day, and I’ve got to admit I really enjoyed it. Abdul, the guy who gave me my orientation, told me I should sign up for it as soon as they offered it. Well last week I learned how to drive on the airfield (hint: avoid the airplanes), so I figured this would be a good time to learn how to do it defensively (hint: keep avoiding the airplanes).

 

I liked it because it was just like taking Driver’s Ed all over again, only with semi-current technology. A PowerPoint presentation that clearly came with the booklet and DVDs that, while appropriate, were just converted VHS tapes of local news programs.

As in every classroom, there was one guy who was convinced the whole class was there for his benefit. And while the teacher did tell us to share stories, he didn’t tell one story that made him look good, but I always wonder if it’s true or just he’ll tell us anything for attention. In culinary school, those people are generally treated to one or two freebies before mutterings of, “Shut the #@$% up” are heard. However, being mostly middle aged people, they were polite enough and just let him go. Besides, the more he talked the less likely their input was needed.

The class itself really offered nothing new, just reinforcement for what we all already know. Driving too fast is unsafe. Tailgating is dangerous. Always buckle up. But every point was punctuated with a little acronym to help us remember or a video to really burn the images in our minds.

My favorite part? Watching people who clearly had no acting ability fake road rage. Anyone who went to school with me knows I love educational films so I can laugh at how amateur the production typically is. Other than that, we got to share pet peeves. I’ve got a lot of them and driving in Denver rush hour traffic has not made that list get any smaller.

Was it effective? I guess it was. Just like being pulled over by a cop, I was suddenly driving the speed limit without thinking about it. Even worse, I noticed while driving Malia home that I was going 10 under the limit with no worry. Didn’t even phase me. If you ever get the chance to take this class, take it. You’ll relearn some things you’ve forgotten and may even get a discount on car insurance!

Things I find funny

This just struck me as a funny image I guess.

WATERLOO, Iowa (AP) — Police said clerks at a convenience store that was robbed twice in recent months threw money at a man in a case of a mistaken robbery.

The clerks at Five Star Snacks and More thought they were being robbed last Thursday when they were confronted by a rambling man who had his hand in his pocket. Police Capt. John Beckman said the clerks put money in a bag and threw it the man, who left it alone and walked out of the store.

Police said the man was drunk and the robbery suspicions were a mistake.

The man was arrested for public intoxication, disorderly conduct and interference.

Information from: Waterloo-Cedar Falls Courier, http://www.wcfcourier.com

Poor guy wanders into a store for some Tic Tacs and gets assaulted with a bag of money. Now I'm sure the clerks were trained as I was, give a robber anything he wants. Just cooperate and survive. But I have to think that his superiors may raise some concerns when a cashier just empties the drawer whenever a funny looking guy shows up. Might want to wait for the gun to make an appearance or, at the very least, wait until he asks for the cash.

So...no more bins?

Opened my daily businessman email today (because, you know, I need this sort of thing) and wasn't prepared for the depression it would cause. Wal-Mart, in a stroke of genius, has decided to scale back on their DVD section.

So let's discuss Wal-Mart for a second. On second thought, I'll just type and you can respond if you feel the need. Tired of being associated with the lower-class, Wal-Mart is working on upscaling their stores in an effort to attract new customers (who, coincidentally, will have more money to spend) and pick up some sales in a slow time. It sounds like a great plan on paper. Who hasn't walked into a Wal-Mart and been depressed by the filth and just... crap piled all over the place?

The change has been really evident in the Wal-Mart nearest to me. The household goods are no longer in long, dark aisles. Now they have a little open area with display models. It really is classier than it used to be. And it's been a year, at least, since I've seen the shelves filled with random clearance "merchandise" sitting by the checkout lines, in hope somone needs a sixpack of light bulbs with three pre-broken.

But at what price do I finally get to shop in a clean store? For starters, I've pretty much given up on buying food there. An aisle full of potato chips, but there are only four different kinds. How many facings of Tostitos does any one store need? And it doesn't make sense to me to cut back on the amount of dairy offerings, when the space has to remain the same. Instead of choices, now it's one door full of A thing.

So they still offer low prices, but your choices are limited to what one brand they carry or going somewhere else. Personally, I'd rather go someplace else. I'm not huge into traveling all over town when I can get all my groceries at King Soopers.

And now fewer DVDs. I won't miss those huge cardboard displays containing a total of 20 DVDs, I assume this means the end to Wal-Mart exclusive discs. Typically, they weren't that great anyway, but it was nice to think they MIGHT have something different to offer. And I have to assume this effort to class the place up will be the death of my beloved $5 bins. So really, a place I used to visit three or four times a week, I'll never have to visit again. Looks like it's Target from now on.

Did I miss this?

I signed on to CBS.com to see how I did in my Amazing Race fantasy league and was shocked to see a clip from Let's Make a Deal. Yeah, they're bringing it back and I guess it's supposed to be on daytime TV. I assume it'll be on after the Price is Right before the three hours of sleaze followed by two hours of morons. It's hosted by Wayne Brady and looks like there are a few kinks to work out.

For starters, it looks cheap. The first thing I noticed were the folding chairs everyone sat on. Looks like they're all waiting for a middle school play to start or something. Also, only a few seemed to be in a costume of any sort. And no, one of those hats with dreds attached is NOT a costume. I guess the minimal effort from the audience matches the effort from the producers because in the online clips, there's no music and it's noticeable. Not absent in a way that makes you think something's off, but so absent that the first thing you say is "Where'd the music go?"

I always loved the old show. The contestant was in charge of his destiny and could only lose to his own greed. Got $100? Trade it for $200. Trade it for a rug. Trade that for a kitchen set. And trade THAT for an old goat. If someone lost, they had nobody else to blame. To go along with that, there was no limit. All of today's shows have a $1000000 limit (more or less), but virtually nobody wins that. LMAD meant you could win anything. Sometimes you won just wads of cash. Sometimes it was a car. I remember seeing a lady win TWO cars. Were people greedy? Oh yeah, but they only wanted to see just how high they could go.

I also enjoyed the free flow feeling of the show. We know how The Price is Right works. Three rounds, wheel, three rounds, wheel, showcase showdown. Monty grabbed whoever he felt like talking to. And even though it was carefully planned, I'm sure, it always felt like he just threw things at people until they submitted. You never knew how many people he'd talk to and how long it'd go. I always wondered if he'd find one rube and just work him for the whole time, just to do something different.

I think I'll try one or two of these out to see how it is. I'm sure the magic on the original series will never be recaptured, just like the thrill of winning a Plymouth Duster. And there will be a lot of growing pains, but it could be great once they define themselves as a separate show and not a hidden stepchild.

Join Me

Tomorrow night's another episode of the Amazing Race and my first night of the fantasy league. I had no idea this even existed, but it's exactly what it sounds like. You pick two teams and you gain and lose points based on how they do and what happens during the show. It looks like it might be fun and it's pretty low maintenance (it has to be easier than the WWE fantasy league. Three hours of arguments to end up keeping Kane).

So you gain points by being the first to complete a detour or roadblock, being in the first three to check in, speaking the local language and hugging. Yup, you'll be hoping for an over friendly tour guide to show up.

Lose points by being eliminated, swearing, crying or falling. Just like in real life.

It literally takes 45 seconds to join and setting your teams takes another 15 seconds. One hint, if the team pic you want is too big and hides their check box, check the team before them, hit space bar to uncheck them, then tab over to where their unseen box is and use space bar again to check the box.

Lastly, my group is, oddly enough, called Jon's Group. We're ranked 1577 (with nobody at 1578). If the bonus of bonding together isn't enough, the player with the most points at the end of the season wins $1000. I'll see you at the finish line!

New Netflix

Just thought some of you might want to know, a few select eps of MST3k are now available on Netflix! It's a pretty decent assortment, hitting all the major eras of the show. If I may, a few recommendations.

The Girl in Lovers' Lane - A hobo takes on an apprentice hobo and fall in love with a girl, irritating her creepy stalker. I don't know what it is about this ep, but it's one of my favs.

Werewolf - Scifi era of the show, but what an amazingly bad movie. Any time your main characters can't properly pronounce the title (to be fair, she does have the wolf part down alright). Worth watching just for the line, "You and Paul is in it for the money?"

Zombie Nightmare - Pretty much what it sounds like only with a little star power. Adam West and Tia Carrera have pretty major parts. If that's not enough, the opening credits are accompanied by Motorhead.

Enough dipping of the toe, dive in and enjoy yourself. There's something for everybody*!

*Everybody is limited to those who are already fans of MST3k or share the same type of humor of the creators and actors of the show. It really SHOULD be everybody.