Things I like

Just a quick plug here to share something I like. As you may or may not know, I've been deep into podcasts for the last eight months or so and I have to spread the joy here. First show I love and need to share is NSFW show. First off, while it's called NSFW it really isn't NSFW. They try to keep it fairly clean. There was one ep early on where a few guests got...colorful but it's painfully clear that the hammer came down after that one.

So let me describe it. There's a guy with spikey hair and a guy who they call the internet's Charlie Day for obvious reasons. Each show is a contest that involves the internet and typically guests. Example games are the Celebrity Twitter Fight Club where the douchiest tweets win. Another game was a trivia contest between Brian, the spikey haired guy, and Hitler's dice. They're totally irrelevant and it's nothing but an absolute waste of time, but it's my #1 pick out of all the digital media I'm consuming. If you've got the timing down you can actually watch it live while they record it, but don't ask me when it's on. 

So check out the site, nsfwshow.com and that'll give you an idea of what it's like. I'd say the first ep is a good place to start for obvious reasons as well as an outstanding show, but the World Record episode is the one that really got me hooked. So take your new fangled Apple TV or Google TV or Roku or Xbox and put it to some good use.

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Warm feelings

Thought I'd do something a little different this time and push out a little happiness into that bottomless pit of anger we call the internet. Friday night I went out bar hopping (that is we went from one bar to another bar so we can say hopping DID occur) with a couple friends in a larger group of loosely associated people. In the course of events a few of us stepped outside to grab a breath of fresh air and one of us was evidently too tipsy to be allowed back inside. I sat her down to hang a little bit to see if she could get it together to look sober enough to go try again when the group decided this would be a good time to hop. 

On the way there the friends I came with had a little spat. I'm not judging or choosing sides or anything like that, just saying that there was a minor upset. Our new hangout didn't have a table big enough for all of us and since they were round, you can't push them together without making an 8, we went with a split level so they tables were next to each other but sat at different elevations and separated by a railing. Since my one friend had found someone in the group to bond with, I hung with the other until drinks and apologies were served. 

While this is going on my friend, I'm leaving names out since they may not want stories of debauchery spread on the internet, leans back, looks and me and signals with her hands I...love....you. She thought it was really sweet of me to be the guy taking care of the ones getting left out for one reason or another. Just wanted to say that those little hand gestures meant the world to me at that moment. Not bragging or anything like that, just nice to be reminded that we mean so much to each other.

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What's to be afraid of?

I've noticed a trend at work. More and more people are refusing their receipts. Now this isn't really anything new and it's no big deal, but it's left me confused. Isn't a receipt just an accepted part of any business transaction? Are these people asking the lady at Wal-Mart to throw their receipts away? And isn't it a little snobbish to assume that because they haven't touched that piece of paper that it isn't their problem? Even if it's still in my hand, that's THEIR receipt and THEIR problem. I wish they'd just accept it as part of modern society and take their responsibility. I'm looking at you, guy-who-rips-it-from-my-hand-and-leaves-it-lying-on-the-counter-for-the-next-person.

To make it worse, these are the same people who will call up with a problem and have no proof or evidence they were there. Oh sure it was offered to them, but carrying around five inches of paper was more burden than they were willing to bear. So they can call in their time of need, but won't do their part to solve any problem. On a side note, I think a receipt would come in pretty handy if you're ever questioned by the police and need to prove whereabouts. Too bad you shoved it down the drain of the soda machine.

The real reason I even bring this up is that the refusers have stepped it up to the next level. Some have started announcing they don't want a receipt before I've even touched the registers, as though it was part of their order. Just as many see it in my hand and start refusing it while backing away, shaking their head and waving their hands. The look of terror in their eyes makes it feel like I threatened them. One lady's reaction seemed more suitable if I'd said, "And you'll see your first outbreak in a few weeks," rather than a slip of paper with the word "burrito" printed on it. I guess all I'm asking for is a little personal responsibility. Take your paper and throw it away if you don't want it. Quit assuming the business owes it to you to take care of your garbage.

 

I am now obsessed with Wonder Woman

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Another mystery

I answered a call at work the other night and it's still rolling in my head for some reason. The lady asked me if I had the number to another location. I looked it up (wondering why she doesn't just use Google) and gave it to her. She grumpily told me she'd tried that and it was disconnected. I asked her what she needed (Second time she'd found a hair in her food), got a name and number and told her I'd do all I can to get ahold of them for her. We started getting busy so I scribbled a message down and faxed it to the store, figuring it was just a loose wire or something.

The rush came and went and the fax didn't go through. So now I'm thinking maybe there's something a little bigger, like a phone company issue or whatever. Figuring I've got a little time on my hands and a few brownie points never hurt anyone, I hopped in my car when my shift was through and drove to the location, I'd been there before. When I got there, I immediately solve this lady's problem. It wasn't one of our restaurants anymore. It was something called Klatch. So somehow this lady had gone inside, ordered and received food without knowing anything about the place. I guess it was her good fortune it hadn't been converted to a dog turd warehouse or something. 

I pulled out my cell to call her and gently explain how she's too stupid to leave the house and she's no longer my problem. The number she left me was for a voice mail and it made me want to cry. Maybe it's a generational thing, but when I go to leave new messages for a vm or whatever, I try to think of what I'm going to say before I hit record. Even then, I'll play it back and see if I like it. Clearly this lady had never considered what she was going to say because she'd never left one before and, evidently never heard one either. It was muffled and rambling, but also quite long. One thing got through though, leave a number. She said it about four times, so that must be THE most important thing. I got ready to give her a little insight on reality when -This mailbox is full. Please try again later.-

Yup. She'd managed to find a hair in her food (and at this point, I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out it was one of hers) and call an unrelated restaurant and leave them a useless callback number. While this is certainly the easiest solution for me, I wish I could have been there when she discovers it's now a Klatch. I can only assume the emotions she'd go through would be pretty similar to Mulder at the end of any X-files.

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The ONE time I come home @ dawn they want me to come in early AND stay late. That'll teach me to hav

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Brilliant!

Let's try a little something here. Think of everything you know about Superman.

I'm going to assume you don't read any comics and can still tell me all about Metropolis and the Daily Planet, Lex Luthor and Lois Lane. Smallville probably comes to mind along with Krypton and Jor-El. Of course, there's the iconic costume.

Now try the same thing with Batman.

I know even my mom could list off three or four villains. The batcave, Alfred, Robin and Gotham City. 

DC has the big three heroes, known as the trinity. Let's finish it off here and think of everything Wonder Woman.

There was the TV show. And...um... an invisible jet. And while most non-readers know nothing about her, we all could easily pick her out of a lineup. At least we used to.

Wonder Woman # 600 came out last week and since I already had a stack of stuff I regularly read, I waited until today to pick it up. It's comprised of some easily accessible short stories and different artist portraits of her. It all builds to the ending story, the real meat, the tale that actually affects her and makes you want to buy #601. So a celebration of 600 comics in her own title and almost 70 YEARS of existence ends with them changing her costume. That's right, they took the one thing the world can agree on about Wonder Woman and threw it away.

I just noticed it looks like she isn't wearing shoes. Just tights with ankle bracelets, but I could be wrong. Personally I think this is a huge mistake, especially changing the bracelets. And the leather jacket doesn't give off a heroic vibe, more of a needless accessory to make the costume look more official or something. She looks more like a hooker from the pages of Sin City than an Amazonian princess.

And just to make sure this all goes wrong, they've changed her origin to explain the costume. Only DC could think of celebrating a character's success and longevity by throwing away all of that iconic garbage and starting over. Oh sure they tinkered with Supes (remember the electricity powers and the blue lightning suit?) and Batman's gone through some changes recently (Bruce is lost in time, Dick's in the suit and Bruce's illegitimate son is now Robin) but they have a much firmer foundation to build on and a much greater spot in the public conscious. WW will soon be back to her normal self to appease the few readers she has left and hopefully issue #700 won't be quite the disaster this is bound to be.

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Puttin' on the Ritz

Yesterday I went to see Young Frankenstein at the Buell and I have to admit, I was pleasantly surprised. The story very closely follows the movie it's based on, so I'll save you the details of the plot. Let's get down to brass tacks.

I was surprised because I'd listened to the soundtrack several times and one theme kept resounding: sex. It seemed like every song was just an excuse for double innuendos as well as outright raunchiness. While I'm not a prude, I didn't want to see such an iconic movie get reduced to jokes about balls and tits. Turns out there was no reason for my concern. The film dealt with a lot of relationships and while the musical might deal with them a touch more explicitly, it's not over the top.

So it's the movie with any slowish parts taken out and replaced with songs and more jokes, nothing to complain about there. The music is so catchy it's stuck in your head for weeks. I didn't expect to see almost all of the locations that were in the movie, but there they all were. Most of the sets, with the exception of the laboratory, are minimal. It's just a screen with a picture or a cardboard door. It doesn't feel cheap or lame, instead it keeps you focused on the characters and what they're doing, which is a lot. 

Out of the whole show, it only makes sense that Dr. Frankenstein is the star, and he truly is. Roger Bart steals the show and then runs away with it. He has no problem mugging for the audience, holding the pause to milk laughs or just general dicking with the other cast members. That's not to say the rest of the cast were just average, everyone performed to perfection, but it really felt like it was Bart's play and everyone else was acting in his one man show. 

The highlight of the show for me, aside from the knockers joke, was the scene with Harold, the blind man. It starts off with an Al Jolson style song which just devolves into a blatant Jolson impression, and a damn fine one at that. And then, beat for beat they reenact the scene from the movie, from a lap full of hot soup to the promises of espresso. And while the man who played Inspector Kemp got a decent ovation at the curtain call, the audience really lit up when he revealed Harold's costume as he played both parts. It's definitely a show worth seeing if it gets anywhere near you. And do yourself a favor and DON'T watch the movie right before you go. Enjoy it on its own merits and you will not be disappointed.

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In Defense of Facebook

This might be a little late, but I wanted to speak a few words about the Facebook "privacy crisis."

Facebook is a social site. The whole idea of it is to share and interact with others. If you have that many enemies or are that afraid of strangers learning any information about you at all, maybe you should look to other wastes of time. 

Maybe it's too late to mention this, but when you give all of your information to people you really don't know, don't be shocked if they do something you weren't expecting. For all of the crying about privacy, FB couldn't release anything that wasn't freely given to them. If you have pictures that are that damning to your reputation, maybe they shouldn't be online at all. 

I'm not saying that things you set to private should be open to all or anything like that. I'm saying that you ultimately control what they do. If FB has another lapse of common sense and breaks everything wide open again, then only the things YOU gave FB are open. If you want to keep things truly private, keep them in your control and don't trust a billion dollar business to keep your best interests in heart.

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Theft: A Family Affair

Since I'm back to working with the general public, some longstanding irritations have come back into my life. This one is especially bothersome because it not only demonstrates a lack of moral fiber, but also shows the lack of some values are being passed on.

What's getting my goat? Stealing soda. Seriously. I'm not talking about the high schoolers who walk into a place a fill up whatever containers they have with them. They're typically just punks with no money. I'm also not referencing the table of six who buy one cup and then get a dozen refills. At least they bought the cup. No, the ones that really get me are the parents who don't feel like buying their kid a Coke, so they ask for a water cup and then tell the kid to steal all the pop they want.

Let's get the easy stuff out of the way. It's stealing AND it's lying. Yes pop is pretty cheap to a restaurant, but it's not free. Money does change hands to get that Sprite to your cup. Just like anything else in the real world, if you take something you didn't pay for, it's theft. Done. Do I really have to go into the lying aspect of this transaction? Odds are if you told me you wanted a water cup, but intended to fill it with pop I'd probably give you the cup just for having the balls to tell me the truth. Here's the real kicker, in my restaurant we give FREE drinks to any student. So if they parents had just told me the kid goes to school and wants the free drink then I'd have to give it to them. Instead they lie to me and sneak around.

To me, the worst part of all of this is the lessons being passed on to the kid. Lie to get whatever you want. It isn't wrong if you don't get caught. It's important that the parents start early, after all there's a chance these kids may be exposed to some positive role models with at least a basic concept of Judeo-Christian-And-Everyone-Else Values where lying, stealing and pretty much every form of dishonesty is morally wrong. I like to think every parent wants their kid to be better than them, but this makes me wonder about them...

So it's stealing. And it's setting a terrible example for impressionable children. But you know what really pisses me off? It's the assumption that I don't know or care about what you're doing. Whenever I hear, "Mommy, I wanna pop" "Sure hon, can I have a cup for water?" I just want to slap the parent. Take a few minutes and try to put some time between the request and the lie. Distract me. Weave a world where I believe you're actually going to drink some water instead of shoving corn syrup down your kid's throat. The other day I had a lady come in with her kid and ask for a water cup. Since it's part of my job duties I went over to clean the pop machine where the kid was loading up with iced tea. The Mom looked at me and quickly "Oh honey, the water's over here." Seconds later they've slapped a lid on it and the mom is frantically whispering instructions to the youngster. I can only imagine what that convo is like.

So here's the payoff if you've read this far. I know I'm not the only one paying attention. Sure the table I'm cleaning is dirty, but it gives me a chance to see what everyone's drinking. I'm nosey and I'm going to see whether you're lying to me or are really getting the good water. Next time I see a thief, there's no mercy. I'm charging for everything I should be, no favors. A nickel short? Looks like you're leaving some food behind. See, I could maybe see my way to throwing a little extra something your way or pull some change from my own pocket, but times are tight right now. Somebody's got to pay for those ripped off beverages and one way or another, it's going to be you.

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Truth?.com

Truth.com: a conundrum of a paradox of lies and truth revealed and hidden.

I am sure everyone has seen a truth.com commercial. They are annying (except the one with the cowboy singing the song, that one rocked) pointless, and overall irrelevant. First the fact that the corporation exists is a bewilderment of American culture. A company funded by the very company they are trying to put out of business. I will say it isn’t by choice so much as government control and class action lawsuits. Why keep tobacco legal and then make it illegal to smoke it anywhere including privately owned property? Tax money is the main reason, and the fact that most of our representatives are probably using it. Here’s an idea truth.com, attack tobacco companies on a medium in which they can respond to the “truth.” In case you aren’t aware, tobacco companies are banned from advertising on public TV and regular cable. Leaving that, I’ll move on to my point.

Being a true red-blooded flag-waving patriotic American I desire one thing: money handed to me from a multimillion dollar company based on little or no real reason other than my lawyer convinced 12 imbeciles that they too could get uber cash from a similar type company. In that mindset I have devised a plan to make the American dream come true for yours truly.

There is a particular set of truth.com commercials that I will be referencing. They involve hidden camera interviews. I will give a brief bit of dialogue from one of these commercials:

Truth.com interviewer: “What would you say to 400,000 a year;”

Hard-working qualified corporate interviewee: (surprised) “That’d, that’d be great.”

Truth.com interviewer: “Sorry, I paused at the wrong moment, what I meant was what would you say to 400,000 a year dying from using your company’s product.”

Still unsure where I’m headed with this? No wonder you’re all reading this and not sipping martinis in Morocco. My plan is to gather all the interviewees together in a class action lawsuit against Truth.com. It might sound difficult to get money out of said corporation, but remember, all my lawyer and I have to do is remind the jury that Truth.com is part of big tobacco and they will have no problem making them pay. The reason they will make them pay is very simple. In this economy that evil warmongering Bush left our savior and father of all things holy President Obama it is tough to find decent corporate jobs that pay well. (Editors note: Unless you’re in the banking industry, or auto industry then you just get billions from the government and take spa breaks to relieve all the stress of almost having to find a new job because you screwed people over.) So when these people take time out of their schedule to come to this interview they are hoping for a chance at a decent job. A job that will save their failing marriage, keep their house and car from being repossessed, keep their kids in school and off the streets, and keep food on their plates. Instead, they are suckered into this time waster run by a bitter company bent up spreading “truths” about tobacco that no one knows. They deserve proper compensation for time lost and mental duress. This “interview” will scar them, and hurt them in upcoming interviews, never really knowing if it’s real or not. It’ll make them paranoid and unprepared, uncertain in themselves. Finding a job of the caliber they are used to and deserve will be come near impossible, and will take a severe toll on their self-esteem. It will lead to drinking. Drinking will lead to smoking, and smoking will lead to either a payout from big tobacco later, or death. (Editors note: If Truth.com is to be believed, the answer would be both.) I become rich since it is my plan to protect the innocent and orchestrated the whole thing I’ll get a 10% cut of a 376 million dollar settlement.

There is also one other thing that upsets me about these ads. They’ve led us to believe for years that big tobacco has lied to us again and again, and that they are exposing the truth. They’ve given us outrageous stories on a Ripley’s Believe It or Not scale and told us to believe it, because they are truth. Now they are advertising that they are in fact lying without remorse to the aforementioned people. They’re whole ad campaign is based off of how they are LYING.

Truth.com, owned by big tobacco which we’ve been told for years is an organization of lies, thus (through the transitive property) a=c, truth.com is an organization of lies, but they’re owned by liars so might have been lying about big tobacco lying which would make them believable when they were lying, but if they’re telling the truth then how can their same company be liars.

Truth.com is lying to people and telling us: “Believe us. C’mon, we’re truth dot f’ing com.”

Posted via email from Super Attema Bros.

Music Monday!

It's still Monday in my time zone, managed to get this one in under the wire. Here's a little treat for you. Nothing goofy or crazy. Just one of the prettiest songs I think I've ever heard. Not sure where I found this originally, but it's a tune I've carried with me for the last five years or so. Take a few minutes to close your eyes and take it all in. This one's worth it!

  
Download now or listen on posterous

19_-_Feels_Like_Home_[Live.mp3 (3957 KB)

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Music Monday!

So this Music Monday technically is happening on Tuesday, but it's still Monday to me. 

I don't know about you, but I really enjoyed Gran Torino. The ending song really struck me. I already had it (legally) downloaded before it was done playing over the credits. I was confused when I found it in the Zune Marketplace. There were two different singles. The first one was exactly what I was looking for. The second one left me confused. Why is Clint Eastwood trying to sing? Why's he doing it in character? What's the point of the repetition? Even better, it's a very quiet track so you really have to crank it up to listen to him mumble alongside some music. Oh, and make it really long too. Quantity over quality's the rule here. It's so bad and clunky feeling that I felt obligated to share it with you now. 

  
Download now or listen on posterous

01_Gran_Torino_(Feat_Clint_Eastwood_As_Walt_Kowalski).mp3 (14565 KB)

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First of May!

Despite seeing snow more than once yesterday AND the day before, May means Spring is officially happening. To celebrate, I've included an official First of May song, by Jonathan Coulton. And since this is one of the songs he gives away for free on his site, I don't feel too bad putting it up here. And you all thought I just "forgot" about Music Monday.

And this is NSFW, so while you're probably not listening to this at work, those of you with small children and/or sensitive ears may want to reconsider listening to this little gem.

  
Download now or listen on posterous

20_First_Of_May.mp3 (10445 KB)

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Exposing the southern lie

For almost two years now I have lived in “The South.” Little Rock, AR to be more specific. Now I have lived in the north all my life, well most of it. Most of my life was in Iowa, then some in Michigan, and Colorado, on to Illinois and then Pennsylvania. From there I landed in Arkansas. Now while I lived in all those places I did not exclusively stay there. I visited many others among one of the most common is Milwaukee, WI. Now that you know the background and what I am basing this off of I will begin.

The lie: Southern Hospitality

Southern Hospitality is about as real as Obama’s birth certificate. I have lived here for a year and would get better customer service in Milwaukee. Those of you who have been there, you know that’s saying a lot. The people are rude and just ignorant to a customer and their needs. You are disturbing employees if you attempt to make any sort of contact. Now add a complete disdain for other people along with still intertwined racism and you have the makings for real potential. Now I’m not saying people are necessarily racist towards me, but some are. No, the south is making its way past the racism toward the negro and onto racism toward the yellow. Maybe I’m more in tuned to this now, but I see it every week. I will not name names or even say which job, just suffice to say it happens. It’s been a little disheartening. You grow up believing the south is one big happy community where they’d give you the shirt off their back if you needed it only to find out you’d be lucky to have them give you the shirt that you paid for. I am not sure how this pretence of “Southern Hospitality” stays alive. Maybe it’s because the south is stereotyped in movies to be hillbilly rednecks and really they’re just dumb, not rude. I just wanted to get this out there because my eyes were opened and the rest of the country is still sleeping.

Now I am not saying there aren’t any good southern people around. There are plenty, but they are a dying breed. The older folks tend to have more “Southern Hospitality” then the new generation while also harboring more racism. It seems an oxymoron but it’s true. The new generation while having made its way past the hardcore racism sucks at hospitality. I have had good customer service experiences (go to Wing Stop off of Markham IN WLR on weekend evening) I have had more bad. If you would like to become close to blowing your brains out, try renting a car from Enterprise off of Rodney Parham in WLR. Ask for the tall incompetent witch, they’ll know who you’re talking about.

“Sir your card won’t read do you have another one?”

 “No, that’s my only one.”

“There’s a crack in it and it won’t read. Do you have another one?”

“No, still don’t.”

“Are there any other cards you have that you could use that are not this one?”

“THAT IS MY ONLY CARD. DO YOUR JOB AND TYPE IN THE NUMBERS.”

While those are in quotation marks they are not exact quotes. It’s been a while since I’ve been there, but she did finally (after making our trip start over an hour late) do her job and call and enter the numbers manually. It’s still irritating to think about. Don’t get me started on our local Comcast customer service either, and yes it is local. 501 area code and everything. Let’s just say I turned in my equipment in February, after they doubled my rates, and cancelled my subscription but still get bills with new charges and past due amounts. Now, I haven’t just hoped it would go away magically, I’ve called at least 7 times to fix things. With that being said, going back to Wing Stop, love the customer service there. Always a pleasure. Now the thing is, while I did have at least one good customer service experience in Milwaukee (Didn’t we Jon? Or is my memory corrupted?) there is no such thing as good ol’ “Wisconsin Hospitality.” No “Northern Hospitality” although you’d get much better overall service in Minneapolis then say Dallas.

Let me put it this way in the movie adaptation of Noah, he had a better chance in Sodom and Gomorrah then he would have of finding the hospitable in the south. Maybe that’s a bit harsh.

In the end “Southern Hospitality” has become the exception to the rule that the whole area is judged by.

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Free rice!

Mashable.com ran an article the other day about good things you can do with 5 minutes or $25. Maybe I'm just cheap (ok, evidently I am), but I gravitated to one of the free programs, Free Rice.

It's really simple. Answer trivia questions on the topic you choose. Ok, so they're not really trivia so much as multiple choice test questions, but trivia makes it sound more fun. For every question you get right, the sponsors donate 10 grains of rice. It's not a lot, but you can keep clicking until your finger falls off and when you multiply that by a few thousand people then the food really starts moving. While your efforts are measured in grains of rice, that number is converted to a dollar amount so the donors just write a check to the UN World Food Program.

That's it. There's no registration, no high score, nothing. Just click and give rice. The really good part is each subject has different levels so the questions keep getting harder until you miss one, then it goes down a level until you earn back up. I'm doing the Spanish questions, trying to learn a few words that just never come up in a kitchen. So while you're waiting to harvest your artichokes, open a new tab and give some real food to really starving people.

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Music Monday!

  
Download now or listen on posterous

074_02_Tony_Randall_and_Jack_Klugman_-_Youre_So_Vain.mp3 (4637 KB)

Another Monday and another tune. This one dances between so bad it's entertaining and legitimately funny. Turns out the American tradition of TV actors releasing an album is older than I thought. Felix and Oscar from the TV version of the Odd Couple teamed up to sing in character. I picked this track because it's one of the few tunes that anyone under 50 might still recognize and it has one of the funniest gags (Who are those girls?). It isn't TERRIBLE, but bad enough to pass on. 

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Yup, a living nightmare

In Switzerland you can hire an evil clown to stalk your child for his birthday.

I'll let that sink in.

Yup, as a demonstration of parental love, this hired hand will leave threatening messages and make prank calls to your child. The climax is hitting the kid in the face with a birthday cake. If the child avoids it, then the cake is presented as an award, I guess to encourage survival skills.

I can't imagine what kind of family dynamics are in play where emotional distress is exactly what a parent wants to instill in the offspring. "Kid's been getting a little cocky lately. Time to take him down a peg or two." I think this would really take off if the clown, Dominic Deville (no seriously), would team up with a therapist.

Should a service like this ever arise in the US (and I'm sure more than one person read the article and considered it to be a new career path), I'd imagine the clown route to be downplayed for someone dressed like Jason or Freddy to freak the little kid out. Maybe instead of a cake the reward would be the creepy Saw doll stuffed in his locker. 

A link to the article is right here. You'll notice he's dressed like an evil clown. I guess that's to separate him from the good clowns who terrify children with creepy texts and booby-trapped mailboxes. I know a few who'd be hard pressed to tell the difference.

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Going out of business

I'm going to just come right out and say it, someone needs to put the Office out of it's misery. I still love the show, but this thing needs to be pulled off before they run out of good ideas. We all remember what happened to the Drew Carey Show. Well, most of us don't actually, and that's really the point. What was my favorite TV show has jumped the shark. For those unfamiliar with it, the phrase is a reference to an episode of Happy Days where Fonzie water skis over a shark tank. The show would never be the same again, with an invincible Fonz and a lot of changes to the show's cast and plot. It was all downhill from there. There are a number of indicators that a show has jumped the shark and, unfortunately, the Office has more than one.

1. Wedding - Remember what happened when Lois & Clark got married? And Jeannie finally hooking up with her master? When the sexual tension is destroyed for a special wedding episode, watch the number fall after. As a bonus, not only did Jim and Pam get together a lot sooner than I expected, I now find them both to be incredibly unlikable. 

2. Birth - It's not often you see a wedding and a birth in the same season. Sure Bewitched suffered from NDD (New Darrin Depression), but having a baby really turned it into a crappy kids show. (And then having another baby was the final nail in THAT coffin) Even more frustrating will be watching the Halpert kid grow three years in three months and then stop aging so that she and Michael can have cute little moments together. 

3. Stunt Casting - Nothing like admitting that people don't want to watch your characters, so here are some famous people that non-fans will want to see. Kathy Bates, Christian Slater, Jack Black, Jessica Alba, Cloris Leachman...

Aside from those official indicators, I've got some personal reasons too. I really disliked the whole Sabre buyout storyline. It seems like there was a lot more mileage in dealing with corporate, especially Wallace. Instead it felt like one good episode idea that ended up impacting the entire show. And while it might be difficult to still make relevant, I miss Jan hanging around. I was really interested in watching her slide into insanity and watching Michael struggle with someone he really cares about, but is...unstable. And while I'm complaining about cast changes, can we just get rid of Ryan? I know he's the producer and that's why they made up a character for him, but now it seems like we only see him to hear what NEW job he's doing. Sure the closet thing was good for a laugh and it explains why we never see him, but wouldn't an episode where Michael is forced to fire him be a much better story? Even better, when they need to fill time we could watch Michael track him down at his different jobs. A wasted opportunity, I think. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm critical of the show because I love it and want to see it succeed. I'd rather it go out with a planned bang, than just not being renewed in a few years. After all, we've already blown WAY past what the original Office did.

P.S. Of course I'd rather be proven wrong about the whole thing and see new life breathed into the series and see another awesome 10 years. I'm just not expecting that to actually happen.

Posted via web from Super Attema Bros.

Music Monday!

  
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Tom_Jones_-_What_Am_I_Living_For.mp3 (3776 KB)

Happy Monday! I figure I'll take the first work day of the week as an opportunity to share a little music with you. Just like my taste in movies, it might be a song I like for no reason or something so bad that the joy HAS to be shared. This little number is by Tom Jones (as you'd expect) and it's called "What am I Living for?" I share, because it's a simple song, but very beautiful. It's nice and bluesy, something we don't get to hear a lot from TJ and, as a bonus, he sang this for years before recording this live. In all honesty, I think he did a better, more soulful version when we saw him at the Corn Palace, but this is the closest we'll ever get to hearing that again. Take a second, relax and enjoy.

Posted via web from Super Attema Bros.

More irritations

So here's the thing, the more I learn about the internet around the world, the more irritated I get. Not only do we pay considerably more for internet access than the rest of the world, but it's slower than what they get too. Even better, there's a bill being passed from country to country where if a person is accused of pirating online three times, his access is pulled and he's blacklisted. Think about that for a second. Three accusations, you're out. No proof needed and, since they'll just get in the way, things like due process, evidence and an actual trial are unnecessary. 

To make sure ISPs maintain their monopolies, the courts just pushed the rest of us down. Basically, it was ruled that ISPs have the right to look at what we're using the internet for and adjust our bandwidth accordingly. So let's pretend you're paying for 1 mb/s. If your ISP notices you're using it for a lot of downloading, they could choke you back some. So while you're paying for 1 mb/s, not only do you never actually get that, you'll get shafted further if you use it for things they don't want you to do. According to one article I read, in the instance of downloading there's no way to tell if the files are legally purchased or not. Even trickier, this could mean that companies that are friendlier to ISPs might have faster loading web pages. 

On the flip side, ISPs should be able to manage bandwidth to some extant. I don't want my internet dragging because my neighbor is downloading gigabytes of stuff. Seems to me this whole thing could be solved by moving some serious bytes. Think of the internet as water. If there's just a stream coming into my neighborhood, I don't want to watch my neighbor drink some, water his lawn, wash his car and fill his pool while I get what's left. But if we're living next to the mighty Mississippi, then he can use all the water he wants no matter what a waste because there's still plenty left for me to do whatever I want with. They'll probably make more money and save a few bucks not watching our every move. 

This really got on my nerves because our internet had been turned off a few months ago for pirating copyrighted materials. Of course when I asked, nobody could provide me with any information. Just that they knew something was up. The only good news there is, since they're clearly winging it, just tell them what they want to hear and they'll turn it back on. 

So to make sure we're on the same page, it's called Net Neutrality and it's all over the internet. Those in favor of it are of the opinion that once you pay for the bytes, they're yours to do whatever you want with (this is the over-simplified version). Those against it believe it's their responsibility to keep a few users from using most all of the resources. Keep an eye and ear out for this issue, I'm sure we'll be hearing more and more about it. Make sure you do your part, election ads should start running in a month or two...

Posted via web from Super Attema Bros.

Worlds are colliding!

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6 seconds.wmv (2013 KB)

This one just got released today and I couldn't wait to share this because odds are, if you're reading this, you'll get it. 

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The Latest in Factory Fashions

David, Dan, Horkey & I suit up to see just how fast we can can Spam by hand. Clearly this requires headgear.

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Lunch time

Spam Song (Edit) by Monty Python  
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16 Spam Song [Edit].mp3 (1915 KB)

Time for another picture from the Spam Museum. Here, Kyle and I take a break at the Green Midget Cafe. For the uninitiated, this is a replica of a restaurant found in a Monty Python sketch. Everything on the menu involves Spam and the Spam portions increase down the menu (Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Baked Beans, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam and Spam). While the concept is amusing, its absurdity is trumped by the other restaurant patrons, vikings to be specific. On occasion they burst out into a jovial song celebrating the pressed meat. It is as odd as it sounds. Just behind my head you can see the TV monitor which loops the sketch over and over. Just in case you miss it though...

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Fastest meat in Austin

Always one of my favorite parts of the Spam museum. Once you get dressed up in the factory worker's uniform, you get to make fake cans of Spam. You put the bean bag of fake meat in the can, pop a lid on it and shove it in the oven. Once the timer ends, it's time to put the label on the can, which you must do with an open mouth. If you get really good, by the time you've made 6 cans, the plant's made 2,000 or so. And yes, I think that is my finger on top. You should see what this thing looked like before a visit to Picasa.

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Unearthed treasures

From Spam Jam

Well I finally made the trip out to Target to get some old pictures developed. The bad news is there's a lot of weird glare on the edges, I assume this is from waiting several years to get them developed. The good news is, none of us are real photographers, so even if the pics were brand new, they're not that great. Here's the first one after a lot of work on Picasa. I'll dribble a few more on as the days pass.

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Spit spot

Friday night Malia and I got to enjoy an evening of the theater and see Mary Poppins. I'm not going to lie, I actually liked it more than I expected.

The set was well thought out. The front of the Banks' house looked like it was drawn in a children's book. The front opened up to show an interior that matched the exterior. Other sets were much simpler since most of everything else was driven by the background screen onto which the actual pictures were projected. And since we live in modern times, they weren't static images and that really helped bring everything to life. For example, while the bag lady sings "Feed the Birds" you get to see birds flying in the sky while it changes from afternoon to sunset.

The special effects didn't feel all that special, but were used sparingly. When the butler "destroys" the kitchen, it made me miss all of my crash dummy action figures. And while the controlled chaos is necessary for consistency's sake, it really dulls Mary's magic when she fixes it. Nothing is insultingly bad and it's a treat for the eyes, but there wasn't an effect that left me astounded. Maybe being a little further away would have helped on some of that. There were two effects that stole this show, both near the end. One was having Mary leave the Banks and fly away over the crowd. The other I'll get to a little later.

Of course there are some changes to help the story flow better. Some are great, others not so much. Remember the cartoon penguins? They're gone and now everybody dances with naked statues and mythological beings. A little research (AKA Wikipedia, the most trusted site on the Internet) reveals this is something from the original books. So while it's not against canon or anything, it surely is much creepier than what we all remember seeing as kids. I'm a little confused on why they turned Mrs. Banks into a former actress, since it's only brought up one time or why the park keeper is the show pervert with his binoculars glued to the rears of passing women. Probably supposed to be funny, but not so much. We also find out Mr. Banks isn't much of a family man because his nanny was something of a witch. While that exposition feels a bit out there, it pays off big when Mary takes leave and Mrs. Banks replaces her with Mr. Banks former nanny, Ms. Andrews. Honestly, I have no problem with the Anti-Poppins, she's played to perfection and is just mean enough to be easily recognized as "bad." Nothing outright evil or terrifying to little kids. Just that nearly everyone is scary compared to Mary Poppins. The bigger issue with Ms. Andrews is that she shows up, sings two songs and is promptly disposed of. For all the setup they give her, and as fantastic as the character is, she could have been used a little more. I think it's a result of being in the second act, which feels a bit rushed to just tie up all of the subplots and wrap it all up.

Other notable changes are nobody laughs long and loud and clear while floating on the ceiling and Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (yes I did just copy and paste) is the result of Mary and the children meeting a crazy Jamaican lady in the park. Again she's pulled from the book, but fans of only the movie are left a little confused.

Mary Poppins was tweaked a bit too. We all know she's practically perfect (and sings a song to prove it), but she's also a bit stuck up in this. Many of her funny zingers are remarks about just how perfect and amazing she is. The first act ends with the children being terrorized by their mistreated toys, something we have to assume is caused by Mary. Ms. Andrews is taken care of by Mary, who puts her in a cage (like Andrews' mistreated bird) and sends her to what I can only assume is Hell. Lots of smoke, the whole place turns red, sounds like Hell to me. The unfortunate result of all of this is that while pretending to be very sweet and caring, you'd better listen to the egomaniacal Mary Poppins or she'll banish you to the netherworld. Not so sure that's the message anyone should be sending to little kids.

Which brings me to Bert or, as we all remember him, Dick Van Dyke. He's something of a guide throughout the whole show, reacting to the set changes, showing up in almost every scene and sometimes just general goofing while the background is being fixed for the next setup. I personally liked it, as I'm sure was the idea. He was always entertaining and most of the time it was a safe bet to ignore the rest of the cast and just watch what Bert was doing. The highlight of the night for Malia and me, as well as my favorite special effect was watching Bert walk up the side of the stage to tap dance on top of the ceiling. I can't imagine practicing it, let alone doing it night after night. While he was fantastic, I felt a little bad for Mary Poppins. The show is named after the character you play, but you're upstaged by someone else every time he turns up.

In the end, the show was a lot of fun and they did a lot of things right. Songs that we all know were really emphasized. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was turned into what felt like a 10 minute extravaganza, as it should be. New verses were added including a whole section where Mary spells it and Bert spells it with his body. Then everybody spells it with their body while singing. Then faster. Then again. Then a curtain falls with it written out so we can all follow along while they sing it again. And again. And the best part, I think they could have done another six or seven minutes and it would have been welcome, at least in my book. Really young children might get scared when Mary damns Ms. Andrews, but otherwise it's a great show for the entire family. If it ever gets close to you, grab everyone you know and check it out. We all need a little magic now and again.

A Three Hour Tour...

In case you hadn't been paying attention, Hollywood is moving forward with the long awaited epic Gilligan's Island movie. It might not be all bad, after all, the story's known to just about every American and the writer also worked on Arrested Development, My Name is Earl and Wild Hogs. Lots of possibilities for success here.

Sherwood Schwartz, the creator of Gilligan (and the Brady Bunch) also tossed out some of his casting ideas. He'd like to see Beyonce as Ginger and I can say he's not the only one. Sexy and funny, I can't think of anyone else offhand who'd fit the bill so well. He also mentioned Michael Cera as Gilligan. Funny? Yup. All-American? Yup. Big draw? Yup. Gilligan? Nope. Based on everything else I've seen him in, Cera doesn't have the right energy to be a bumbler. Even the long rumored Jim Carrey Gilligan, though surely disastrous, would be a better fit. Now I hate to shoot down an idea without offering one of my own, but this is one of those times. I may not be able to cast Gilligan, but I'll recognize one when I see him.

Many of the articles also take a moment to note that the plot is under wraps. Now I'm not supposed to be sharing this, but I didn't sign any NDA or anything. Still if someone asks, please don't mention my name. Rumor has it, all of the main characters will end up in one boat that crashes in a storm, stranding them on an uncharted island.

Try to keep it on the dl.

Profile pics

As some of you may have noticed, I've been tinkering with my FB profile pic. It got me thinking and there's something I have to get off my chest.

Girls, if you're taking a picture of yourself either alone or with friends don't make a duck face. I get that full, pouty lips are what every woman wants (and I've been known to look for that feature in one as well), but if you don't have them it's cool. There are tips and tricks to make your lips look fuller. I hate to tell you this, but I'm much more bowled over by a girl with a great smile than one whose lips look as though they're about to drop off onto the floor at any second.

A quick Google search pointed me to antiduckface.com. Check it out if you want to see the biggest offenders.

And even more embarassing, this goes at least double for guys too.

Can't believe I even have to say that...

Ooooooooooh scary...

Went and saw The Crazies last night. If you're going to see a movie on opening weekend, Sunday's the day to go. You pretty much get the whole place to yourself, if that's what you like.

Short plot summary, a guy starts acting spaced out in small town Iowa. Then another guy. Then another, who locks his family in a closet and burns down the house. The sheriff and his deputy think they're saved with the military shows up, but it turns you they're just as dangerous as the crazies. The sheriff's wife is tagged contagious because of her fever (a result of being pregnant). The cops have to sneak back into town, rescue their girls and escape, all while avoiding the crazies, the military and a trio of hunters who are killing anything that moves.

The flick's a decent mix of creepy atmosphere and cheap scares. More than once did we have our heads turned because we KNEW something was coming. At no time did the movie fail to deliver. The only issue I had is that the cheap scares were REALLY cheap. Like people just appearing in a flicker of lights or something. It's a little tricky to take it seriously when everyone's doing things that are physically impossible.

As you probably guessed, at least one character escapes and makes it to salvation, AKA Cedar Rapids. IT was the happiest I've ever seen ANYONE to see that place. Nothing against it, but I'm pretty sure the Iowan audience had a difficult time buying into CR being Heaven on Earth.

And since it's a remake of a George Romero movie, there's a bit of social commentary running throughout the whole thing. Turns out it's all a result of out government dabbling in biochemical weapons. We're our own worst enemies. Not a terrible message, but combined with the demonization of our military and it starts to feel a little heavy handed. That said, I'd recommend you go see it, at least when it's in the cheap theater. You'll lose a lot of the experience if you wait for the rental.

Hm

A few oddities have passed my eyes these last few days and I thought I'd share a couple.

1) X-Men Origins: Wolverine - While I enjoyed this more than I thought I would, it's probably because I know nothing of the source material. It was visually appealing and the story just kept moving, but those claws. Terrible. It's like they didn't even try to make them realistic. They looked unfinished, with no reflection or real lighting effects added to them. To make it worse, they didn't look like a part of him. Reminds me of Superman IV (Don't remember it? There's a reason for that), where the flying effects were so lousy it would have looked better to have Supes ride a bicycle around. The most important feature of the hero shouldn't look like crap.

2) The Tech Guy - A woman calls Leo Laporte on his national radio show to help her get her wireless back. A wireless extender doesn't help. Turns out, she's been stealing her neighbor's signal for the last year and a half and now doesn't know what the problem is. Her defense? It's expensive.

3) Incredible Hulk - I picked up the complete series used a few months ago for a really good price and am now slogging through all of them. I'm about 10 episodes in and it's already starting to look like they're out of good ideas. My proof? A few nights ago I watched Banner hulk out and use his anger and strength to land an airplane. He even puts on the headphone and everything.

It all HAS to be uphill from here.

We're all safe now

You'll all be happy to know that the skies are safe to fly again. After a few very tense moments, TSA successfully relieved me of my strawberry Yoplait. The terror level can now be lowered from Who Cares? to Seriously, who cares?.

After frisking me because my shirt was slightly baggy (I'll be sure to wear my Catwoman costume next time) my dairy dessert simply had to go because it was larger than 3 ounces. The best part was watching him inspect the label to see the size of the yogurt. As we all know, nothing dangerous could be made from anything less than 3 ounces, even if you're allowed to bring as many of those aboard as you want.

I seriously considered grabbing two of the Ziploc baggies they always have and splitting it up and offer to run those through X-Ray. After all, we both saw how much was in one container and split up they'd both be under the limit. And as a bonus, they'd be in the ultra-secure terror-proof food safe bags that are required for national security. In the TSA officer's defense, he did offer to let me eat it right there so it wouldn't go to waste. It's always a sight watching old ladies slam down bottles of water as if there'd be none on "the other side."

I've also heard they shove bamboo shoots under your fingernails if they find cottage cheese.

Another Cinematic Adventure

Imagine you had a video camera, $1000 an a closed ski resort. You'd probably make a movie just like Frozen. Haven't heard of it? Neither has anyone else.

Three people, Iceman (better known as the brother of Jimmy Olsen on Smallville) and a dating couple get stuck on a ski lift when the resort closes on Sunday night. Not a big deal except they don't reopen until next Friday. Oh, and it's cold.

As usual, things will be spoiled. I'd hate to upset the rabid Frozen fanbase.

We kill the first 15 minutes of screen time watching the trio try to bribe the ski lift operator into letting them ski the rest of the day. I know what you're thinking, it's a setup for what happens later in the movie. Nope, it doesn't affect anything. Then Iceman meets a cute girl with a jealous boyfriend. Turns out they're exes just trying to be friends and that setup leads to nothing else in the movie. Later in the lodge the camera lingers on a big missing poster setting up...nothing. I haven't resented a movie this much in a long time. Turns out that everything that happens in this movie is ONLY for the immediate purpose. Nothing affects future events and an eye for detail is rewarded with dry eyes.

Picking up the pace of the blog, they get stuck on the lift. The girl immediately panics and within five minutes the trio is in hysterics. They see a plow and start throwing things. Big shock, it doesn't work. Macho boyfriend decides after what appears to be two hours to jump and walk to the lodge. Turns out that jumping 40 feet and trying to stick the landing in ski boots is a bad idea. We're treated to his legs snapping like celery. After establishing that he's essentially dead ("It's pretty bad!") he gets eaten by wolves! Just so we all know, it's either freeze to death or get eaten by wolves if you survive the fall. I guess the idea of watching people bleed to death wasn't exciting enough. Best part, he apparently does nothing to fight the wolves. Really lost his fight with his legs.

Iceman tries to work his way to a ladder on the rope, but has to go back when his friend's getting eaten. Oh, and that metal cable shreds his hands. Then it turns into the Blair Witch Project. He blames her, she blames him etc. She's getting frostbite on her face and over and over again he FREAKS and tells her not to touch it.

Girl pees herself and cries. We all get to watch.

She wakes up with her hand frozen to the safety bar. Like we all learned, she rips that layer of skin right off. Iceman, as you'd expect, is impervious to all of this. Her frostbite's bad. DON'T TOUCH IT! Now they're friends and he decides that after a day of hunger and freezing it's time to try the cable thing again. This time it works. He gets to a different chair and hers starts to come loose. She throws his ski pole by the ladder and misses by a longshot. Too bad, 'cause he needs that once he gets down to the wolves, who've come to watch and wait for him to fall. Eventually he fights them off and works his way down the hill.

The next day girl is tired of waiting. That's good, 'cause her lift falls and she's saved by the safety line. She lands good, but the safety line breaks (naturally) and the chair lands on her foot. She hobbles down the slope and finds the wolves. Thankfully, they're too busy chewing on Iceman to notice her. She finds a road and lays there until a car comes for her. A guy immediately picks her up, because that's what you should do when you find an injured person and the movie's over. Oh, and the terrifying frostbite is pretty much just a small scab on her face. I was waiting for chunks to start falling off like she was a leper. Nope. Didn't even get to see her nose crack away.

I'll admit the idea kind of works because it actually is somewhat plausible, but any hint of reality immediately drops away the second a wolf wanders on screen. It's like watching people treading water in the middle of an ocean when sharks start showing up. Just the environment is scary and lethal enough, the animals aren't really an added incentive to seek safety. I know that problems can't be easily solved or there really wouldn't be a movie, but Iceman moves on the cable using just his gloved hands. He doesn't kick his feet up. He doesn't try to zipline down or anything like that. We're supposed to be impressed at how determined he was, but I ended up laughing because there were better ways to do it. Every second you're thinking of a way out and every second they're making another bad decision. In the end, I kind of felt like they deserved it. I can't even walk in ski boots, let alone land a huge drop in them. The girl throws her glove down to get the plow's attention. Just about every misfortune that happens is their own fault so it's hard to feel any empathy at all for them.

That said, I was greatly satisfied with this one. I was looking for a bad, cheesy movie and Frozen delivered in spades. If it happens to be in a theater around you and you're tired of Avatar, check it out. You won't be disappointed in your disappointment.

Cinematic Excellence

I've started NetFlixing Night Gallery lately. It's what Rod Serling did after the Twilight Zone. The biggest difference is this is in color. After a couple of lousy segments, I think I finally struck gold tonight.

First off, it's written by Serling himself. Not everything he wrote was gold, but the break between shows gave him a change to recharge his creative batteries. As usual, it's a hero everyone can identify with, a moral lesson and a twist at the end. I'll give him credit though, while most of us see the twist come from a long ways off, he delivers it and then trumps himself. I'm happy because I guessed right and happier because he then made it better.

Second, it was directed by Stephen Spielberg. While the material didn't require and wouldn't have benefited from any fancy directing, it's solidly done. Watching a stand up comic die on stage is tougher when you see the fear in his eyes and sweat on his face so close than you start to feel it yourself.

And finally, I was treated to no less than TWO sitcom legends. Tom Bosley plays the comic's agent and Al Lewis is the club owner. Bosley is a name we should all know, especially since he started shilling for AARP and the like. Al is better known as Grandpa Munster. He's so identified with the character that when he was running for public office wherever he lives now, he wanted them to put Grandpa on the ballot instead of his real name! Always sad when your character's more famous than you are.

Thanks to this miracle combo, I'm really looking forward to more episodes, despite the general agreement that it's pretty much downhill from here. This one's got Phyllis Diller AND John Astin. GTG!

Censorship can be fun!

So I've been listening to some new podcasts lately, and I'm really getting into This Week in Tech. It's informative, but it's also a lot of fun. Never thought I could listen to hours of people talking about computers and the Internet and love it, but I am.

One cool thing about listening to old tech stuff is that in a matter of weeks things they're talking or speculating about are already outdated. I picked up the show just in time to hear the panel get all hyped up for Windows 7. I wish I'd known it at the time, but Microsoft was actually asking people to host launch parties. Yup, get all your friends together, open a bag of pork rinds and we can all upgrade our operating systems! The best part is once you register your party, Microsoft sent you a party kit complete with:

• puzzle
• playing cards (you can already tell what kind of party this is going to be)
• napkins (Just 9, the number of guests you're supposed to invite so no slobs allowed)
• an autographed copy of Windows 7 (Not Bill's sig, some other guy's)
• Balloons
• Streamers

I could totally see doing this for the free upgrade, but anyone actually considering this to be a legit past time is someone I imagine would struggle to find the required 8 guests. But this isn't even the worst part. MS put out videos giving you helpful party planning hints to ensure your party is a success (even they knew these parties were doomed).

Why bring any of this up? Because somebody took the party tips video, chopped it down a little bit and bleeped out a couple of words and phrases. You can look for the unedited version if you want, but I don't know why. So here it is and, as usual, nothing dirty here. It's all in your head.

I don't get it

So it's getting to be that time of the year again. Yup, cruised the classifieds on Craigslist again on the off chance some lonely girl piques my interest.

There was no piquing.

Let's face it, it's still accepted that looking online for a companion is a last resort for only the loneliest of souls. I'm not saying it's true, but that stigma's still attached. So how is it I looked at profile after profile or women with a long list of very specific requirements. A certain height. NO facial hair. A bachelor's degree. That's right. If I wanted to date this girl I'd have to cough up $25,000 and a couple years of my life. Because, let's face it, what girl wants to date someone with only an associate's?

Now I just don't understand it. You can't find someone the normal way (I'm not judging, after all I was looking on there), so you ratchet up the expectations? And while some things are bonuses, should you really expect someone who is everything you require in a person to just show up? No flexibility on anything? Maybe it's just me, but as time goes on, my expectations and requirements are getting lower and fewer (All ten fingers?! She's on top of the list). Guess I'll have to wait until someone gets desperate enough to actually want to compromise between her dreams and reality. Evidently, that's going to be a long wait.

Asking for bad service?

Malia, Josh and I went out to Old Chicago Sunday night and I didn't care for our waitress. She was pleasant and all, but whenever she checked in on us, she was always in motion. It literally got to the point where if we asked for something she'd have to stop, turn around and ask us to repeat it, since she really had no intention of stopping for any reason.

Josh left the table to take a phone call. Malia took the opportunity to turn to me and say, "I'm so glad you're not cheap." Then I figured it all out. Josh and I split a pizza because it ended up being $1 cheaper than if we each got out own calzone. And while that may have left a bad impression with Malia, I'm sure it's when he asked the waitress if it "cost" to add mushrooms. She told him of course, it's a topping, and he told her they weren't really needed then.

And that was it. Out table had advertised to the waitress that we were cheap and she'd written us off. So it's just one more thing for you to think about the next time you're out. If nothing else, imply that good service will be rewarded. Save coupons until the end and don't bicker over pennies.

And don't forget, tip the price BEFORE any discounts. You still got full service.

Bad customer?

So as some of you may be aware, I've gone back to my roots and am working part time in Mexican fast food. Always nice to keep your hands in someone else's food, but it's a free meal and some extra spending cash. Just to be on the safe side, I'm not going to name the company here, but it's a smoked jalapeno.

Saturday we were pretty busy. Busy enough that they pulled me off of prep to clean the dining room. Part of that job, aside from the obvious, is touching tables, offering lids, seeing how the food was and all that.

One table struck me as funny. A mother and daughter were eating and I went over to see how they were doing. The mother looked up and raved, "Everything's just perfect, thank you so much." Ordinarily, I'd be quite happy with that response. But this lady was sitting behind her Burger King value meal. Looked like a chicken sandwich.

As politely as possible, I told her it's a good thing she was so happy. There's nothing I can do for her if she wasn't. For some reason I think this offended her, she got all defensive and she closed right up. In all honesty, it didn't bother me that she'd brought outside food in, her daughter still ate at my place. I just thought it was funny how she gushed over her food to me, as though I had anything to do with. Evidently, she just assumed all fast food workers are really in a secret society, working together towards world domination.

Next time I'm making sure they're eating our food before I ask. Or at least solicit some recommendations.

I'm back!

Hey all. So the Christmas season eventually took over the blogging and I've been spending quite a bit of time with a girl. Don't read anything into that, it is literally just spending time together, mostly eating and shopping at Target. Unfortunately, my new friendship has come at the cost of my blog. Well I'm hoping to get back to daily notes, but I have the feeling it'll settle somewhere around two or three posts a week. Still better than my latest average of none a week.

Last night we went to BJ's, a restaurant we'd visited before. I'm going to let the lousy service go because that isn't the point of this and it wasn't spectacularly bad. Just...not good.

I ordered the Parmesan crusted chicken and, while it was good, there was something that just struck me funny about it. Before breading and cooking the chicken breast, they cooks pound it nearly flat. I assume it's to keep the outside from burning before the middle is cooked. It's a sound principle, but it looks ridiculous. I end up with sitting behind a serving platter, literally, with two pieces of chicken that are each 8" across. To make them look even bigger, there's maybe a table spoon of sauce pooled in the corner of one piece. Evidently, the chicken's easy but the sauce is hard to come by.

The final difficulty I have is that my friend is on a diet. So while she's decided she's only eating half of her meal, no soda and definitely no dessert, I'm sitting in front of something that looks like its own buffet station. Hard part is, not only is it delicious but it's the only thing that ever sounds good. Guess I'll have to sacrifice a little dignity, but it's worth it.